Sunday, April 9, 2017

Player's Log: Night of the Living Douche

Happy Saturday! Once again doing the pre-writing for my live blogging of our weekly D&D game while everybody else is leveling.

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Pre-Game Reference Stuff:

WARNING: SPOILERS FOR RISE OF TIAMAT,  TYRANNY OF DRAGONS AND POSSIBLY LOST MINE OF PHANDELVER AHEAD.

Last week my brother was here, we went through a magical hedgemaze and we had another dragon fight in a town.

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Cast of Characters:

Nicophel Arthainas - Moon Elf Wizard - Me : D - Robed and wielding the Glass Staff of Defense. He's quiet and observant, and considers himself the definition of a subtle wizard. (He...is actually getting there.) Nicophel does not like to be spoken to as though he doesn't know what he's talking about. Currently somewhat more evil than he was before.

Varis the Illustrious - Elven Fighter - June - Big armored badass, his noble papers are faked, cannot say no to a challenge. He's arrogant and (kind of) short tempered, but unquestioningly strong and an amazing warrior. He's also a fucking maniac that does things like throw dead bodies out of windows.

Stalkurn XVI - Drow Rogue - Patrick - Stalkurn as Stalkurn always is (Yes this is actually the 16th Stalkurn Patrick has actually played; not the same Stalkurn but Stalkurn son of Stalkurn--the one in the Nim books was Stalkurn the 8th so he's a great great ect grandfather of this Stalkurn). His personality traits literally say "Is Great" and his "Ideals" are "To be Greater". His bonds say "I love myself". That should give you an idea of who this guy is.

Iroh - Human Ranger/Fighter - Cody - Really fucking hates dragons and will always kill them. Also a bounty hunter so his other favored enemy is "humans". Is very probably named after the one from "Avatar". Is the most rational party member.

Genevieve - Aasimar Paladin - Richie - Our new party member, she's a paladin in super awesome armor with super awesome grey dreadlocks. Have I mentioned I love seeing older ladies in games and stuff? It pretty much never happens and I respect it so hard.

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City of the Dead

The DM decides to run a homebrew session tonight so we're called in to check in on the current undead activity in the City of the Dead in Waterdeep. We gear up and head over to take care of business. There are fears that the surge in undead are linked to something great and powerful beneath the cemetery. Iroh is dead convinced it's a dracolich and Nicophel does not disagree.

We are familiar with the family crest of the people that sent us here and Varis immediately starts looting the place. There's a hole in the ground with a ladder. Varis, Stalkurn and Iroh all make a big spectacle of climbing down, Genevieve does it normally and Nicophel casts featherfall.

There's a door straight ahead of us and a door to the left but then the DM sighs because he realizes we always go left and now everyone is laughing.

We find a circular room with four pedestals and statues on them. A skull, a cow, a priestess and a baby. Stalkurn picks up the priestess and fails his wisdom save and now feels really sore and such. Nicophel says "one of these things is not like the udders" and picks up the cow statue. Varis goes for the skull.

Josh: You feel, like, a chill run down your spine--

Varis: WITCHES!

There's another room with a pedestal and it says "the password is part of who you are". The door in the room still opens without is figuring out the puzzle first. We may come back to it later.

Josh: There's a bright green liquid dripping from the cieling.

Varis: I try it.

He takes four acid damage. The green stuff is dripping forming in pools on the ground and occasionally bubbling and popping. There are two doors from here to the left and right and obviously we go left.

We end up in a room that has no gravity and then after that end up in a room with a guy sitting on a massive skeletal snake. Stalkurn asks it to get off the skeleton and it produces a sword and shield. Combat starts. At one point the snake tries to bite Varis and he literally holds its mouth shut with his hands like Hercules.

We can't get the armor off of the dead guy and the party just throws the whole body in the portable hole.

We take some stairs and end up back in the curated part of the catacombs. Nicophel continues to question why there is so much stuff here that doesn't make a lot of logical sense like the non euclidean room but the rest of the party doesn't seem bothered.

And then there are more undead things to fight. Oh oh oh nope nope nope they're puking up smaller undead things nope so much nope.

We then fight some severed heads? And get into a circular room with words on the wall.

Working together Stalkurn and Nicophel get "Embrace the Darkness that follows you. Only in the tomb can your path continue."

Nicophel crosses his arms and tries to fall back into his shadow all dramatically and just hits the ground and Stalkurn laughs at him. Anyway there was also this sculpture in the room that apparently casts the shadow of a key and you can get the door key by taking that key with your shadow.

Then Iroh and Varis get possessed and we scramble to try and figure Magic Jar out. It turns out the people in the magic jars were apprentices to the lich that's down here and now they want to kick her ass so Nicophel offers to take over their training and help them kick the lich's ass but now they're iffy about it. Genevieve says they can help or die and that goes over much better.

We then proceed to kick the lich's ass. I'm not even exaggerating Stalkurn one-shotted her. He came out from behind Varis and cut her like a pro and it was super anticlimactic but it was still pretty damn cool. Duel wielding drow, what are you gonna do.

We end up in a room where the ceiling is slowly descending and we all dart back into the previous room but Varis charges forward to the next room brazenly instead of darting back with us.We end up in a chamber with a prismatic wall and Stalkurn drops his portable hole underneath it "like a Mexican tunnel" so we don't have to go through the wall.

We do finally find the main boss lich, and he is a mindflayer. It's unfortunate for him that I like his clothes. The lich talks about how he wants to take over Waterdeep and Nicophel convinces the party that we want to fight him so /we/ can takeover Waterdeep instead.

More combat happens. Iroh ends up caught up with the illithid lich thing. It's a really tough battle, we actually almost wipe, and then we finally make it through and kill the lich! And then after using Legend Lore all we learn about his phylactery is that it's something unassuming so that no one would think to destroy it.

Oh, this is going to be fun.

Today I Learned: We are going to make our own city, with blackjack and hookers.

Fortune Favors,
Megan R. Miller

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